Thursday, September 16, 2010

Hilarious Craigslist Ad for Chicken

I saw this on another board and had to post it. So funny!

House Chicken...thinks she is a cat. (Everett)

Date: 2010-09-14, 9:34PM PDT
Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]

This is difficult to do, but I have to rehome my beloved house chicken Milkshake.
She is about 9 months old and a white silkie bantam (if you are not familiar with what that means she is not the right bird for you).

Adopter must-haves:
1. Experience with chickens & cats: My partner and I adopted her and raised her by hand thinking that once the cute chickie look wore off she would just go out in the coop with the rest of the girls, but, alas, she thinks she is a cat. She refuses to go in the coop and will meow/squak at the back door when she wants to comes in.

2. Time and deaf or distant neighbors: Sometimes I have to go outside and grab her after dusk because patheticly she has little chicken skills and doesn't realize that chickens should not hang out outside in the dark. She thinks since the cats do it she should be able to as well. She does not really care to be in her cage, but rather wants to roam around the house. She will let you know this loudly in the morning, at night, and when you have company or get on the phone.

3. Hard wood or easy to clean floors: During the day she likes to come and go as she pleases, sometimes 'dust-bathing' on the carpet. She likes to hang out in the kitchen when you're cooking in case you drop anything and makes a better vacume than a chicken. We tried the whole I'm-an-urban-chicken-farmer-retard technique of making her wear a diaper, but she gets very angry and tempermental and would much rather shit everywhere as she pleases. Free useless diaper included.

4. Patience: She may like you, or may not on some days. She was incredibly prone to my (ex) partner and loved to cuddle on the couch and shit. She is nice to me when I feed her, but will bite my ankles if she doesn't get what she wants.

5. Thick socks

6. Room for a big ugly bird cage - big ugly bird cage included. I fill it with hay. There is no need to have a laying box because she doesn't get why there's a box taking up room in her cage. She would rather just pop out mini-eggs as she pleases, and wherever she pleases.

7. Must like Easter Egg hunts.

8. Must have a blowdryer: Because of her lack of chicken skills, she is not great at the dustbathing idea. She likes a warm bath followed by a complete low setting blow dry.

9. Lastly, must be willing to provide a forever indoor & outdoor home: she would make a horrible dinner - don't even think about it.

I have tried to incorporate her into the hen house but she doesn't give a damn about other chickens and refuses to cooperate. She likes shag carpet, raspberries, clean laundry (to poop on), dirty kitchen floors, and talking. If this sounds like a pet you want for some reason, maybe you're a stay at home dad with too much time on your hands, or a mom whose kids left the roost, or a cat-loving old lady that's allergic to cats, or maybe a geeky hipster that wants to be 'original' and 'hip' with a pet house chicken - whatever, just keep her forever and don't eat her. For consideration, send an email stating why you would be the best candidate to adopt my dear Milkshake. As stated she comes with a big ugly cage, a waterer, food dish, and some food crumbles. I can also provide some thick sock, but if you can't afford socks, you really shouldn't be getting a pet house chicken.
  • Location: Everett
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
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  1. That's hysterical! She's a cute hen, but...!!!

  2. Yeah, a little too high maintenance for me, though.

  3. So cute! Thanks for sharing--she looks like a diva :)
    Amy at Verde Farm

  4. She's a beauty but that is about the only thing Milkshake has going for her! LOL

  5. Can't you build her her own house/barn with a few rooms and a bathroom. Put one of those life sized clothed humans on a chair that looks like you and has a tape machine in the head that plays your voice talking and responding to her clucks and demands. Maybe the cat can live there as well. You can keep an eye on her, to see how she likes it for a week and unless she becomes so disturbed because now she can and starts to freak out... see two of you....I don't know - I'd say you are in a bit of a quandary.
    I don't know what the lifespan of a chicken is so you may be stuck with a needy companion for quite some time. Someone told me that a healthy chicken would normally live eight years. You might want to invest in some natural dirt floors.

  6. So hilarious! My seramas live in a rabbit cage in our family room, but I sure don't let them have "free range" of the house to poop!